


Billy Hargrove; Moving In Stereo

by kingofnowhereville



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, M/M, Minor Original Character(s), Physical and emotional abuse, do NOT romanticize abuse, eventual harringrove, fuck caleb, ill break ur knees, im a trashmouth deal with it, lots of swearing, minor smut, mostly about Billy, mostly me though, partly bc its billy, tommy is stupid
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:07:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21855790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingofnowhereville/pseuds/kingofnowhereville
Summary: A look into the life and thoughts of Billy Hargrove.
Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington
Kudos: 8





	1. Baseball

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously, not only will abuse be mentioned and implied, but it will also be included for the purpose of the story I'm trying to tell. So just keep that in mind while reading. If it gets to be too much, take a break and skip to a break in the text. The things that are going to happen are fictional but can very well happen to anyone. If you know someone who's being abused, or realize that you yourself are being abused, please tell someone. It's easier to get out when you can than to wait.  
> Anyway. Please enjoy the fanfic, it's not all angst I promise! Haha. I really love Billy, he was a relatable character for me but I also wanted to explore the parts of Billy we sadly never got the chance to see.  
> fuck canon.  
> ps. im writing slurs and trust me, it makes me feel gross. but like i said, story telling purposes.

When Billy was 5, his mom and his dad moved to the perfect part of California: a little house in the middle of a beach town. You could always smell the salt in the air and you could hear the waves crashing against the rocks, if you really listen. He spent a lot of time at the beach with his mom when he was a kid. When he was 7 she taught him how to surf. He picked it up really quick, it was his new favorite thing. His dad wanted him to play baseball though.  
"Billy! Keep your eye on the fucking ball!" They were at the park on a Saturday afternoon. Billy really couldn't catch the ball. He HATED baseball but he was too scared to tell his dad. He knows his dad just wants him to have what he never achieved. Billy didn't want to play baseball professionally though. "Stop doting around you moron!" His dad was a good pitcher. Good enough that the ball was coming so fast at an unsuspecting Billy and hit him right in the cheek. The ball left a bruise for 2 days. It was the last time he played after his mom coddled him and told his dad he wasn't allowed to play. It was one of the few times he ever just listened to her without a fight. He thought that for the day at least. Things always felt different around the house when the sun set though and the three of them were cooped up in that house. His dad was always in his chair or at the table. Billy liked to linger in the kitchen with his mom and help her when she'd bake. He hated when his dad would come into the kitchen. He'd always walk in with his head down but his head would be up once the glass of his beer bottle hit the counter. It was a guessing game to figure out what made him angry that time that lasted 5 seconds before the yelling started. There was always something wrong with his mom; that's what his dad thought. Billy never really understood why she'd stay down and keep dealing with Neil's shit until she left. He remembers exactly what drove her out. His dad had worked it into his head that she had cheated on him. Billy didn't see his mom as someone who'd do that, even if Neil was an asshole. Billy wished he had left the room when he saw his mom reach for the plate but he panicked. He didn't just wish he had left the room, he wished he had pushed his mom out of the way. It wasn't that his mom was a bad person, she was defending herself. He was more concerned with his Dad's reaction to her defending herself. It felt like being hit with a plate hardly affected him and it was terrifying to Billy. He knows she still would've left even if Billy had pushed her out of the way. Maybe not so soon. He wished she had taken him with her. He sometimes felt some resentment towards her for leaving him behind with his dad, knowing the kind of man he was. It was selfish. It made him feel like she didn't care. She called the first Wednesday after she left. Just like she promised she would. He begged her to come back. To take him with her. He already hated being alone with his dad. He missed her.  
That's when he got everything that had been directed at his mother the first 9 years of his life. Yelling. Screaming. Hitting. He could barely leave the house to go to the beach without being interrogated. The hitting was gut-wrenching sure, but nothing hurt more than the fresh idea that no one was there to protect him. No mom to hold onto. No family to turn to. He had a couple friends at school but he didn't talk about his home life. Sometimes when it got real bad, he thought about running away. When he was 10, he packed a backpack with the bare essentials. He didn't leave though. He stood in front of his window in the dead of the night, backpack on one shoulder. He couldn't will himself to open the window and get the fuck out of there though. He was 10. He'd never driven a car. He had $20 in his pocket. He didn't even know where his mom was. She could be across the country at that point. His mom had called twice the year following her leaving the house. He remembers asking if she'd be back soon. She always told him she needed to stay away for good and that she'd take him with her if she could. Some part of him didn't really believe that. It sounded too good to be true and he was running out of hope. Too quickly for a 10 year old.  
When he was 11, his dad married Susan. He didn't know she had a kid until they had a dinner together, all four of them. It was to celebrate the engagement. He hated Susan. She was nice sure, but she wasn't his mom. He wasn't ready to let someone replace his mom and he never would be. Maxine was okay. She was kind of a brat but she was 7. 7 year old's are brats. He didn't like when his dad would go out with Susan and make Billy stay home alone with Max. He wanted to go hang out with his friends. He'd be grumpy for a bit but he'd cave and entertain her. They made mac-n-cheese so many times, he was sure they had perfected it. But they themselves were never perfect. Billy had a short temper and Max wasn't afraid to speak her mind. He always caught himself just when he started to sound too much like his dad. The older they got, the more distance there was between them though. Max started leaving the house frequently after she hit 11. That's about the same time he got his driving permit. He had to walk to the DMV on his own. Susan helped him get the paperwork.  
"I can drive you over there, Billy."  
"No. I'd rather walk." He had left, his papers and the money he had saved stuffed in his backpack. After living with Susan for a few years, his hatred for her only grew. He learned something about her very quickly: she's a bystander. It didn't matter how hard his dad hit him, she'd just look away with this 'kicked puppy' look in her eyes. If it really hurt her, she'd fucking do something. People are selfish. So NO he didn't want her help. The only reason he let her help him get the papers was because he was 15, he had no clue how to get that shit. He spent 3 months studying for that test and he was so goddamn happy when he just barely passed. One more question wrong, and he would've failed. He didn't save enough money to fail the test. It took his dad a week to realize Billy got his permit.  
"Great. You can drive your sister to her friend's house when she needs a ride." She's not his sister. He's not allowed to point that out though.  
"I can't drive without an adult until I'm 16." He had held his hands behind his back, hoping his shaking hands would go unnoticed. His dad was sitting at the table, Billy standing at the other side of the table. As if putting a table between them would protect him from his dad.  
"Excuse me?" He shoulders tensed when he saw his dad push his chair back. Just enough to stand up, but he hadn't. Not yet.  
"I won't be able to drive Maxine for another year. I could lose my permit if I get caught."  
"And that will be your problem. But I said you can drive your sister and that's the end of it." He just nodded and left, before his dad had time to decide words weren't enough for Billy to get it.  
School wasn't any better. He was fine academically but socially was a whole other story. Since his mom left, he had only gotten more hostile. He lost his friends one by one, not that he had many to lose. He was an ass to everyone. Like he was a weed that was going to keep spreading, planting his roots everywhere until everyone was affected by him. He had become just another middle school bully. His best friend stuck around the longest. Her name was Sam. They were 13.  
"Billy you can't keep talking to people like this. I don't know what you're going through right now-"  
"No you don't! That's the fucking problem!" They were behind the local 7/11, drinking the large slurpees. He got blue raspberry and she got a strawberry slurpee. They've been doing this since they were 8.  
"Then why won't you tell me-"  
"What so you can call me pathetic? And weak? No thanks. I'm fine on my own, I can manage just fine."  
"Stop interrupting me, you know I hate that."  
"..sorry. I'm just so goddamn stressed and I don't want to-augh!" He held his head, groaning in pain. He sat back up after a moment. "Brain-freeze. I don't want to talk about it Sam.  
"I thought we shared everything with each other? No matter what. What happened to that, Billy?"  
"We were kids when we said that."  
"We're still kids."  
"Maybe you are. Everyone has to grow up sometime."  
"You're being an ass." Everyone has to grow up sometime.  
"Whatever." That's what his dad kept telling him.  
"You're unbelievable." Because only children were allowed to cry.  
"What?" And 13 year old's aren't really children anymore.  
"I've gotta go. Talk to me when you're done being a jerk." Right?  
He never went back to talk to her. He worked it into his head that he didn't need her anyway.  
  
Being a teenager was a whole other world from being a kid. He grew 2 inches in the 8th grade. He grew his hair out over the summer. He pierced his ear. But more than just his appearance changed going into high school. Feelings were so difficult. This crazy thing happened freshman year where suddenly, people stopped detesting the kind of guy Billy appeared to be. They admired it even. Especially girls.  
All the time, girls would flock to him. He hardly got to eat lunch alone anymore for christ-sake. It's like flies to the fly killer his dad would hang on the porch in the summer. He hated Valentines day. But his life wasn't completely void of romance. In fact, someone caught his eyes. Brown hair, green eyes, the sweetest smile. Caleb.  
He liked Caleb and by the 4th awkward kiss in the middle of his sophomore year, he was sure that Caleb liked him too. He got to know him very well. Caleb didn't know how to drive. Caleb knew all the best places to get cozy with someone you're not supposed to. Caleb got to know Billy too. That he's got a short temper. That he has a step sister in middle school. That he's so far into the closet, he's drowning in coats. And that his dad isn't shy of hurting him if Billy steps out of line. Billy trusted him enough to tell him these things. He had took his walls down.  
"Billy, what did I say about kissing me like that?" June 1984. The quarry at 3am, the back of Billy's shiny, brand new Camaro.  
"I know what you said but I know what I want." His voice was muffled, his lips pressed to Caleb's neck.  
"No."  
"Caleb."  
"If you're leaving marks there, people are going to think I'm off the market."  
"What would be so bad about that? Am I not good enough to be more than you're fucking late night call? We've been screwing around for months." He sat up, searching his pockets for his cigarettes. Caleb taught him all about how to get alcohol and cigarettes. Caleb knows where all the parties are too. Not that girls weren't inviting Billy to parties left and right. "You're so difficult. I've told you why." He kept telling him why and he still doesn't get it. It makes him feel like he's just being used but he couldn't stop himself from coming back to Caleb. He's forgotten why, he just does. Maybe it was the way he'd hold him after. Or how he's really good at keeping this a secret. Even if he likes to...joke about telling people that Billy's a fag. If you don't shut up I'll tell your dad you're a fairy, Billy! Wow calm down I was only joking! It doesn't feel like a joke though. He's sure he's just overthinking it though. Caleb wouldn't do that to him! They're friends..or something.  
"Whatever, can we make out yet or what? You gonna play that annoying game where you tease me for an hour before we actually do something?"  
The rest of the night was a blur. A lot of nights passed by in a blur.  
  
By the time July rolled around, he started to see Caleb less. He had summer homework he needed to do. But he was alone most days. Sometimes confined to his room. His 17th birthday came around. His dad never so much as wished him a happy birthday, but he wasn't upset. He's gotten used to his birthday just being another regular day. He sat alone in his room. He stood up to put a new record on, when something caught his eye. He moved jackets in his closet aside, revealing his old jet blue surfboard. The one his mom gave him. He hardly touched it since she left. Years of sitting in his closet collected dust on the beautiful board. He took it out and brushed it off. It was his birthday. He decided he deserved something good.  
The beach was mostly empty that day. It was the time of year where people were either away on vacation or they were populating the more popular beaches. The breeze was perfect, the waves big enough to get a good surf. He hoped he was still decent at it, it had been a while. He breathed in the salty beach air and it was just...perfect. All of it. He managed to catch some good waves too. Happy birthday to him. Surfing made him feel like he was free for the first time in forever. He would've given anything to feel like that for the rest of his life. But he's gotten used to having bad luck. It always came in the form of something pointless or Max being a nuisance.  
Today, it was that she took a walk without telling anyone. She was reckless as hell in Neil's standards. He didn't get why the world was suddenly ending because a 13 year old was acting her age. But since he can legally drive her now, he's responsible for her. It made him even more glad he was going to run as soon as he graduated from highschool. He was going to move more towards southern California. He wasn't sure what he wanted to do as a career yet but he'd figure it out. Being a comedian would be fun. Or working on cars. There's a lot of options. He found Max by the boardwalk. She had just walked out of one of the little stores.  
"Hey! Twerp!" She was quick to look his way and then hurry over. She had her skateboard in one hand and a bag in the other.  
"What do you want?" She looked up at him. He got the feeling she didn't care for him much, which checked out because all he's really done is shut her out the last couple years.  
"Because you decided to just run off, your mom lost her shit so I had to come make sure you weren't kidnapped." His hair was still dripping wet from falling off his surfboard earlier.  
"Whatever. Happy birthday I guess." She held out the bag she had been carrying.  
"What?"  
"My mom said it was your birthday." He took the bag reluctantly. He didn't think Susan would even know it's his birthday. Not that this meant he tolerated her or something. Max was the most tolerable person in the house. He opened the bag, pulling out a pair of earrings. They were long with beads and something like a dagger hanging on the end. He hated to admit it but he loved them. "I thought you might like it since you only ever wear that little hoop." He looked at her, an almost puzzled look on his face. He couldn't wrap his head around the idea of Max actually getting him a meaningful gift.  
"..Thanks." He set his hand on her shoulder. He's surprised she didn't push him off. He can be mean sometimes. Most of the time. But he felt like maybe he could make an effort to be someone Max could go to when things get tough.  
  
It was short lived.  
"Billy."  
"What?" His voice was bitter.  
"You know what." A beat.  
"I told you Caleb-"  
"No Billy, I told YOU! I told you a fake girlfriend wasn't going to help you! I told you not to ask her!"  
"What so it's fine when you fuck around with girls at school? What the hell Caleb." Billy's car, parked outside of town. 11:30 pm on a Thursday night.  
"Don't turn this on me, I'm not the one at fault here! You didn't LISTEN to me!" That's when Billy stepped down. The yelling. He knew Billy hated when he yelled like that.  
"My dad's gonna figure it out if I don't."  
"So you're more worried about your dad knowing you're gay than me feeling hurt?"  
"I-I don't-I..." He wanted to say something. He knew exactly what he wanted to say but all he could do was cry. The tears just came bubbling up like soda when you shake the can before opening it. He leaned forward, holding onto himself, wishing he would just stop yelling at him. He thought he could count on Caleb to be there for him. He looked up to see the door slamming shut and Caleb walking off. They were only a short walk back to town. He leaned back in his seat, holding his head for a moment before slamming his hands off the steering wheel a few times. His earring jingled as he shook angrily. When he pulled himself together, he started the drive home. His heart dropped to his stomach as soon as he was in the door. He noticed two things. One: Max's jacket and sneakers were gone at 11:30 at night on a fucking THURSDAY. Two: his dad was fuming. Fuck.  
"I can ex-"  
"You wanna tell me why I got a call from some kid telling me my son's a FAG?" He was grabbed by the collar of his jacket and pressed against the wall. Fuck fuck fuck.  
"I-I don't-" He knows exactly why. His knees felt weak, like they were going to give out from under him. Before he could even form another thought, his dad had him pressed against the wall, holding him by the collar of his shirt.  
"You're going to go find your goddamn sister and THEN we're going to DISCUSS this BULLSHIT!" Billy didn't waste another second before he was out the door. He didn't get home until about 12:30. Max fell asleep in the passenger seat so he had to carry her inside. She was getting too heavy. He found her down at the beach, she had been skating down the sidewalk. Her excuse was that she lost track of time. Right.  
The only thing he remembers was the screaming. His dad could've woken up the whole goddamn neighborhood. He woke up at 7am the next day. Everything felt...sore. His ribs, his face. He didn't even want to get out of bed but he had shit to do. The day had barely started and it already sucked. He wanted to go back to bed and cry until he fell asleep again. After he finally dragged himself to the bathroom he was met by the image of his face staring back at him. The bruise around his eye was starting to turn purple. Same with his chest. He felt like doubling over and puking.  
Dinner that night wasn't any better. It was quiet until everyone sat down. He kept his eyes on his plate, hardly picking at his food. He would usually go out for something after dinner, he hated eating at home. He's on house arrest now though.  
"I'm being transferred to Indiana for work. We're flying out at the end of the month. It'll be a fresh start. For all of us." The end of the month? In September? School just fucking started! Was he joking? This had to be a joke they couldn't just LEAVE California! He couldn't...no he WOULDN'T. He was holding his knee under the table, his nails pressed into his jeans and his knuckles whitened.  
"That's great, I think..we need one." Susan always sounded scared when she talked to Neil. He didn't understand why she even married him. He wished she hadn't.  
"Thank you. I don't want to hear any bullshit about it. You two are already in deep shit after last night, you're lucky you're even allowed to leave your rooms." Dinner continued in silence after that. Billy felt like his world was crumbling. California was his home, he couldn't leave. No more surfing, no more boardwalk and-and-who even LIVES in fucking INDIANA? Indiana WHERE? It probably wasn't even the city. Not that he really liked the city but even that would be better than some..country town! It was probably filled with hicks and farm boys! He planned to spend the rest of the night in his room. He sat on his bed, trying to get his homework done. Not that it mattered, since he was leaving and all. There was a knock on the door. It wasn't his dad. He never knocks. He opened the door to see Max there. She had her head down, her hair falling in her face. He couldn't lash out at her in the hall so he pulled her into the room, carefully shutting the door behind him. He crossed his arms over his chest expectantly, watching her look around the room. She looked up at him and then out the window.  
"Did you need something or did you come in here to look around?"  
"No I.." She trailed off.  
"Jesus christ spit it out!"  
"Are you alright?" His brows furrowed and he turned away.  
"I'm fine."  
"Stop acting like an ass, it's not like this is my fault." He whipped around to look at her, sheer anger painted on his face.  
"You bet your ASS it's your fault!" His voice was hardly above a whisper. He's not allowed to yell at Max.  
"Really Billy? That's your take away? He seemed a hell of a lot angrier at you." He slammed his hand down on his dresser, Max's shoulders jolting. She took a step back. His hand fell from the dresser.  
"Don't...don't talk about that."  
"Sorry. I'll leave. I just came in to tell you that I'm here." That's the thing though. She was talking like they're brother and sister but they will NEVER be siblings. He watched her leave the room. This was her fault. That's what he told himself. Somewhere in the back of his head he knows. It's not her fault. Never was her fault.  
The month was tough. It was harder than when his mom left. After leaving California, the only reminder he'd have of his mom was his necklace. His dad says he looks like her though. It's never really a compliment unfortunately. Even after 8 years, his dad still hated her. Still compared Billy to her like his mom was something to be ashamed of. It sickened Billy. His mom was so bright and wonderful. She deserved more than Neil. Maybe she deserved better than Billy too. He used to want to believe that he was good enough for his mom. That she would say she's proud of him. He realized after that night, she would hate who he is too.  
He was quick to figure out who told his dad who he really is. Part of him knew from the start that it was Caleb. Caleb's a dick, he should've realized it sooner. But he knows this would've happened either way. He just wished he hadn't been stupid. He let that douchebag take up too much of his time. But the more he thought about it, the more he realized he was just as much of an asshole. He brought this on himself. He couldn't find it in himself to stop though. He got worse over the course of the month. The last Monday of the month arrived. People pressed up against their lockers when Billy rounded a corner. There was no hint of admiration like there had been before, just plain fear. It almost made him feel better. He had power over someone. He was so sick of being underneath someone else's heel. He wanted to be the one in charge for ONCE in his goddamn life! It carried over to home. Max was smaller. Weaker. He didn't want to hurt her really. He wanted to hurt SOMEONE and she was in his line of vision. He didn't hit her like his dad hit him. He could never do that to someone. But he hurt her. He'd grab her arm to hard. Slam a door in her face. Yell at her when it was just the two of them in the house. She stopped talking to him.  
He felt so empty. Like he had been hollowed out with a melon-baller and now he was just a walking corpse of who he used to be. But he felt one thing. Mad. He was PISSED. He cleaned out his room at the last minute. His surfboard was the last thing he dealt with. He contemplated for a while before deciding to bring it with him. He'd just end up shoving it in the back of his closet wherever the hell they were going but he figured it was encouragement to come back here the second he got the chance. He'd start a jar where he could put money towards gas to drive all the way back. He didn't even care about seeing the sights on the drive, he just wanted to come home. He wanted his mom back. He wanted to be home with her. So he sat there in the middle of his room, curled up in a ball, wishing that when he lifted his head his mom would be there in front of him. That he'd be a kid again. That she'd be there to comfort him from whatever kind of fucked up nightmare the last few years have been. He just wanted the nightmare to be over.  
But it didn't end. Friday came and so did their flight. He's never flown before. It was terrifying. He had to sit next to Max for 2 hours. She was tense at first. He got the window seat so he spent most of the ride looking out the window. It was kind of cool, seeing the clouds so closely. He'd never fly again though. Once he was back in California? He was going to stay there. But he couldn't go back. Not yet. He's under 18, his dad would be able to send cops after him. But it made him think. Would he? Would he care? He was sure though, he wouldn't. He'd probably be happy he'd never have to deal with Billy again. Everyone else seems to love pushing him out of their life.


	2. Cows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> um??? 98 hits overnight wtf??? so glad my self indulgence is entertaining :)  
> we pick up in hawkins now and im gonna be honest im scared im going to move too fast so im just saying now im going to try to keep each chapter to a timeline of one or two months to pace myself  
> one more thing! there's a playlist I made specifically for this fic on spotify I'll drop the link in the notes :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0fgk0DxRazzAcnNqcgplsF?si=Sck8iKs8SkGBM4hQiBTYig  
> barracuda can be used in a lot of different contexts for this story but mostly i just rlly vibe w/ this song  
> the funny thing about the song Psycho Killer is that it was almost the title but I decided last minute that Moving In Stereo fit the vibe better

Hawkins was the name of the town. Fucking Hawkins. Who the hell has heard of Hawkins? He wasn't sure if people actually lived anywhere in Indiana besides the city but fuck, people do. He didn't see many people the first couple days in Hawkins because they were unpacking. The 3rd day in Hawkins, his dad went to work. Susan went to work. Max went skateboarding. She said something about an arcade. Which left Billy home alone. He didn't see any point in exploring since he was leaving the second he got the chance.  
There was a knock on the door. He had been in his room, music blaring. One of the windows was open to let out the smoke from his cigarette. He sat up, putting his cigarette out in the ash tray beside his bed. He dragged himself to the door, groaning. He couldn't imagine who it possibly was. It was the neighbor. She was holding a plate with a cake on it. The frosting was pink and almost impressively smoothly spread. She was still wearing an apron and her hair fell around her shoulders. The second she saw Billy, a flustered smile spread on her face. Fuck no.  
"Hi there! I'm your new neighbor, Patty Price," God she sounded like the kind of woman to hit on an 18 year old with an earring. "I saw your family moving into the neighborhood and thought I'd bake you a welcoming gift!" Well that's something he could get out this. Cake.  
"Mrs. Price...well I'm sure the cakes as sweet as you." He had a charming grin painted on his face. Suburban moms are too easy to fool. "I'm Billy..by the way."  
"Billy. It's so nice to meet you." She held out the cake to him and he took it, setting it on the table by the door. It really did look good. Susan was never very good at the decorating part of baking.  
"The pleasure's all mine, Mrs. Price. I should be going now, lots of work to do before school." He winked at her, giving her time to wave before shutting the door. Women like an educated man right? Local moms back home seemed to like when he mentioned doing homework and shit. At the end of the day it was just for a cheap thrill though. Maybe it made them feel young again, like they weren't living mediocre lives with mediocre husbands. He took the plate to the kitchen. He debated for a moment if he should take a piece now or wait. He's in a constant thought process of "is this something Dad can yell at me about?" The answer is pretty much always yes. He's feeling brave today though. He took a thin slice for himself and sat up on a stool. He had to admit, the cake was very good. If all he had to do was grin and wink at Mrs. Price to get cake, he'd be doing it all the time. But then again, he'd be risking his perfect form. He's spent too much time working out to throw that out the window for some cake that just happens to be good.  
He wasn't sure if Patty had told everyone in the fucking neighborhood that there was a "charming boy named Billy" who had moved in or if they just really wanted to welcome the Hargroves to Hawkins but the entire week women would bring over sweets. Coincidentally, it was always while Susan and Neil were gone and usually not long after he pulled into the driveway after school. Susan would say when she got home, "Oh it's a shame I keep missing them! I'll have to bake for them." As if the decorating came close to the decorating some of these Hawkins moms were doing. It was almost funny to him. He was fully aware that it was happening because of him by Wednesday. Was he slightly off-put by the ease with which these middle-aged women had with flirting with a minor? A little. But it was flattering, he supposed. It's not like he'd let it go far and these women clearly don't have the courage to ask if he wants to fuck them. He definitely doesn't want to anyway.  
School was one of the least enjoyable things about Hawkins. The girls were annoying as hell. It felt like they had nothing to do besides bother Billy. His first day there, girls swarmed him in the halls. He ate outside and he was glad because Tommy said girls were asking if he'd seen Billy. Tommy H was something else. By that he means that Tommy is quite possibly the most annoying person he's met in his entire fucking life. More annoying than the high school girls. The guy NEVER shuts up and sometimes he wanted to just hit him. Just to see if it would shut him up. The only slightly interesting thing he rambled and shit-talked about was some King Steve. He figured out who that was real quick. The only guy at school named Steve was Steve Harrington. They had English together. He was fascinated by this image of him that Tommy cooked up. What he knows is that he's an asshole, he's kind of stupid, he puts an awful lot of care into his hair, and Billy was either going to be his best friend or beat the shit out of him. He figured that last detail out on his own. He does know that Steve will be joining the basketball team(thank you Tommy) and that is when Billy's going to talk to him.  
But that's only 2 days of school's worth of information. By the third day, Tommy had managed to convince him to sit with him and his stupid girlfriend at lunch. Carol was just as annoying as Tommy. Anyway, he got to see Steve in a more social setting then. He had a girlfriend named Nancy Wheeler. Tommy doesn't like her and is convinced she turned Steve bitch. That checked out judging by the look on Steve's face when he looked at her. It was this dumb love-struck puppy-dog look and for some reason it fucking infuriated Billy. He decided to leave it at "I'm mad because I thought he was going to be cool but he's a bitch."  
As much as he loved the attention, he really hoped people would stop crowding him all the time after a week of being there. He couldn't even smoke in the parking lot without someone coming to bother him. It didn't. Another Monday came and he was still bombarded with questions and piss-poor attempts at flirting. He was overwhelmed. The more overwhelmed he got, the more aggressive he was to people. Part of this is because as he got more and more overwhelmed, the more it showed while he was at home. All it took was raising his voice at the wrong time and he'd walk away with a red cheek. They're new in town so he knows Neil's not going to leave any bruises. People don't expect Billy to get into fights. Yet. He knows he'll have a reputation for it soon though. It's just who he is. He feels like he's always getting ready to kick someone's shit in. That's not healthy is it?  
"Billy could you give me a ride to the arcade?" Max was standing in the doorway, her voice quieter than death. He could never tell if she was finally afraid of him or if she's just tired when she was quiet like that.  
"Why should I?" He looked up from the magazine he had been reading. Some sports magazine with a girl on the cover. He was more interested in the guys on the inside in full honesty. His voice was bitter. It always was.  
"It's too far to ride my skateboard there. Can you please just give me a ride?" He tossed the magazine aside and sat up. The look he gave her was like ice.  
"Whatever." He got up, bumping shoulders with her as he passed by. He grabbed his jacket off the hook by the door, fishing out his keys. It was that Sunday before their second week in Hawkins. and Neil and Susan had gone out for lunch.  
The ride was quiet save for Billy's music which was blaring. He never drove without his music cranked up. He saw in the corner of his eye the way Max tried to distance herself from him. That's when he realized he had really screwed up his relationship with her. The point of no return. He wanted to be sad but all he could feel was angry. He was so tired of feeling angry. He glanced at her. She was looking out the window.  
"Hey. Shitbird. I'll pick you up in an hour. You know what happens if you're late." He's punctual. He has to be. She didn't respond. "Did you hear me?" She was still quiet. He slammed his hand down on the wheel. "Answer me!" He hates when people don't listen.  
"Stop yelling at me!" She crossed her arms over her chest, turning away from him.  
"Then answer me when I talk to you." His knuckles were became whiter the tighter his grip on the wheel got.  
"Then don't call me names asshole!"  
"Hypocrite!" He screeched the tires of his car into the parking lot of the arcade. She got out. "Be back in time!"  
"Bye dickhead."  
"Bitch!" He drove off. He could see her flipping him off in the mirror. She irritates the hell out of him sometimes.  
He might be more flexible about timing if he didn't get screamed at for being late. He wished she understood that but it felt like she's never going to understand shit. She didn't understand why Neil did what he does. She didn't understand why Billy yelled at her for shutting his door even after being across the hall when he got that lecture. She's an idiot kid. It wasn't fair that she got to be an idiot kid who goes to the arcade and goes out.  
  
That week was overwhelming, as previously mentioned. But amidst the chaos, an idiot football player was a little more than friendly. Billy hardly bothered to learn his name. He was mediocre at best. Mediocre hickeys and mediocre hand-jobs. They'd meet in one of the showers in the boys locker room at the end of lunch. He was pretty though. Curly brown hair and a stupid grin. But not interesting enough for Billy to like him like that. His head was elsewhere. He vaguely remembers him asking about some Halloween party. He had his lips all over Billy's neck so he wasn't really paying a whole lot of attention.  
"Is it an actual party?" They were in the hall after that when Billy brought the party back up. The hall to the gym was always empty during lunch.  
"Yeah I guess. You wanna go with me?"  
"We agreed this wasn't going to turn into a date kind of thing." He wasn't going through that again.  
"It doesn't have to be-"  
"Whatever party it is, I'm sure I'll get my own invite. Then I'll show up 20 minutes late like I always do." He's the one in control this time.  
"I'll see you there then?" It was almost sad how desperate the guy looked. But Billy couldn't find the space anywhere in his heart to feel sympathetic though.  
"I'll say hi to you." He really hoped there would be alcohol at this party. Not only is it not an actual party without alcohol, but he's going to need it to get through the night. He's sure of it.  
He was increasingly grateful that the girls at Hawkins High were not very smart. Unfortunately, neither was his football playing friend. He doesn't even know why he calls him his friend. He didn't want friends here. He didn't need attachments to this town. But the marks this guy kept leaving were getting a little too high up on his neck. Sure, everyone at school just assumes he's got girls he's hooking up with but even then, his dad's still going to bother him. He hasn't yet, but he know he will. Billy's become a pathological liar though. He could convince someone he orchestrated an assassination if he wanted to. But having a parent who really wants to know what you're doing, even when you make it clear you DON'T want to talk about it, they ask a lot of questions. But Billy's strong. He won't break. Not anymore.  
The weekends were worse than the school days. When they arrived in Hawkins, his dad chose who would sleep in which room. Billy didn't think too much of the lock on his bedroom door. The outside of the door. Not until that second weekend. He ended Friday on a good note is the worst part. He had received an invite to Tina's Halloween party. But the good mood ended Saturday morning after breakfast. He had forgot to do the dishes after breakfast and it was his turn. All he had to do was rinse the plates and put them in the dishwasher but he was exhausted. He couldn't sleep the night before. Just one of those nights. He wished Susan was the one to notice but it was his dad. Of course. He couldn't just have one weekend where he didn't want drive his car off a cliff or something. He thought he was off the hook after being slapped and watched by cold eyes while he put the dishes away. He went to his room to get his jacket, he was going to go look at Halloween costumes for the party. He felt his heart drop to his stomach when he heard the click of a latch lock on his door. He dropped his jacket and ran to the door, trying to open it. He could feel his eyes burning when the door wouldn't open. He hates Hawkins.  
He went to the store on Sunday after lunch. Did he find anything? No! But he found this sick ass leather jacket and he could work with that. Terminator wears a leather jacket right? He really liked the Terminator movies. Plus, being the Terminator for Halloween gave him an excuse to not wear a shirt. The trip to the store was nice though. People had their eyes all over him as he walked down the aisle of the store. He was buying one of those beef jerky sticks. They're supposed to be good sources of protein or whatever. Anyway, he enjoyed all the attention he was getting. All he had to do was bat his eyelashes and smirk and people fucking melted where they stood. He's sure it would get old one day but he was going to enjoy it until then. The drive home was peaceful. Billy's idea of peaceful is windows down, music on blast, and the perfect amount of wind. It's one of the few things he's enjoying about Hawkins. Despite the seemingly never-ending smell of cow shit. There's back-roads you can get away with speeding on since the cops don't sit out there. The cops in Hawkins don't really seem to do shit...ever. Not that that's a problem. He could get away with speeding and drunk driving as long as he took the right roads at night. People in this town seem like the type to call the cops over a car playing music too loudly at night as it drives by.  
He got home around dinnertime. He sat next to Maxine. He took up as little space at the table as possible. He ate his food as fast as he could. The first few times Susan cooked dinner he had picked at it, not interested in playing house with them. Or something like that. Apparently that's disrespectful. So he's just gotten in the habit of eating really quickly and thanking Susan for dinner more than he wants to. He'd admit that she's a decent cook though.  
Dinner was almost always silent. Sometimes Max would talk about her day or Neil would complain about something nobody fucking cared about. But other than that you could hear a pin drop. He couldn't even leave the table unless he asked so he could do his homework. They all had to sit there awkwardly until everyone finished or Neil decided he had seen too much of Billy for one day. He knows it's always his fault when they get excused early. He didn't really mind leaving the table early, it's just the feeling of eyes burning the back of his skull as he walked down the hall to his bedroom that he hated. He hated wondering if he needed to keep his notebooks stuffed under his bed or to not light a cigarette. He's not supposed to smoke in the house. He hated this house. He hated his family most of all. They're not even family. His dad's a fucking garbage excuse of a parent and Susan isn't even his mom. He doesn't even know where he stands with Max anymore. She's not his sister though.  
He sat by his window. It was dark out. Sometimes it's nice to watch the moon because no matter where you are, the moon is still the same. If he focuses on just the moon, it's like he's back in California. As the days passed he just missed home more. He was counting the days. On this particular night, the sky was clear. The stars and the moon were bright as hell. He's not sure what came over him but suddenly he was climbing out of his window, car keys in hand. He got in the Camaro and just started driving. He knows he can get away with it. Everyone's home and it's late at night. As far as they need to know, he's going to hook up with a girl. Because that's the only thing people think he does. He wasn't though. He was driving down a back road, window rolled all the way down. The air was most tolerable at night. He really didn't know where he was going, he just needed to drive. He slowed down, using one hand to drive and the other to get a cigarette. He used to do this back in Cali, just drive around at night. He's always trying to escape something. For an hour he could just forget all the shit that's weighing him down. He couldn't wait to blow this fucking town off. Just disappear like he was never even there.  
He slept better that night. Monday came. It was the week before Halloween. He's sure it would breeze right by. Monday morning was the closest he could get to calm. Neil had the day off so he slept through Billy's morning routine. But that meant having to wake up Max. Usually Susan does that. He woke her up with no care, gripping her shoulder and shaking her around until she woke up. She's not a morning person so she tried to hit him. But he's in a particularly good mood so he didn't put up a fight about it. He made himself breakfast and had extra time to sit and watch TV. He left at 7:45 and got to school just after first bell. The first half of the day passed by in a blur and he spent a majority of lunch in the boy's locker room with his football pal. Again, he asked Billy if he was going to be at the party.  
"Yeah I'll be there, maybe if you behave I'll let you hold me up on the keg stand." He was feeling generous today.  
"I know you won't Billy, don't let me get my hopes up."  
"Christ, who spit in your cereal?" Where the fuck was the Hawkins pep!  
"Uhm..you did. You have no interest in me and I can tell. It's like you're a fucking ghost man." Hawkins boys are so dramatic, aren't they? It was almost pissing him off.  
"Don't. Don't ruin my good mood with your bullshit please?"  
"MY bullshit? MINE?" Billy took a step back, turning away when his tone become a yell. "I put up with your bullshit everyday! I just want to know how you're doing but you keep shutting me out because you've got it in your head that you're better than everyone else so you don't have to open up to anyone! But at the end of the day, you're just a shitty egotistical-"  
"YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT ME!" He spun on his heel, throwing his fist towards him. It was a deafening slap against his jaw. Billy didn't..feel bad. No he felt scared. He was being messy just because he didn't want to hear something he's already heard a million times before. That's when the panic started to set in though. What happens when this guy decides to blab his mouth? Billy would be dead before the sun rises again. "If you EVER tell anyone what we did, I will hunt you down. And you WILL be sorry."  
"I-I-" He was stumbling, holding his face. Billy could see the tears in his eyes. He didn't like this boy. He didn't need him. He just needed something to occupy his time but this guys had occupied too much time.  
"Do you understand?!" He grabbed him by the collar. He smelled like fear. He doesn't know where it came from but he felt some of that awful rage inside him leave. It was nice.  
"Yes! I won't tell anyone I-I promise!" He let him go and walked out. He had no more of a reason to be there anymore. No more hook-ups. No more mediocre blow-jobs. He'd be alone. Again.  
One week. That's all he had to make it for before Tina's stupid party. Then he could go crazy and blow these fucking Hawkins kids away. He could drink until he forgot how absolutely bored and pissed off he is. How he couldn't take it anymore even though it's only been a little under a month. But this stupid party. He needed a party. Alcohol. All kinds of alcohol. It would be alright. He would be fine. Home was just as awful as usual. He'd come home a little late. Get yelled at. Got locked in his room Saturday night and it was fucking awful. But he kept pushing through. Just to get to Wednesday night. Halloween. Because he's an absolute champ like that. Right? A gym teacher said that to him once but he wasn't completely sure what it really meant. All he had done was throw the ball in the hoop a few times. But even if he didn't totally get it, he'd repeat it to himself when things got tough. Made him feel like he was doing good in someone's eyes.  
The week had hardly started but it already felt like it was dragging on. He hadn't even gotten through lunch before he was done with the week. He caught glimpses of his old hook-up buddy. He didn't look very happy. He didn't even blame him. It's not he got emotionally attached to someone who's not there. Billy was never going to be there, in Hawkins. He was always going to be in California and there was nothing that could really change that. But it didn't matter. Girls were all over him throughout the week, asking him all kinds of questions. What are you being for Halloween! Do you have a date to Tina's party? God girls really were so...obnoxious sometimes. He wanted to rip his hair out but at the same time...he kept seeking out that little bit of attention just to soak it up for that feeling. A short-lived feeling. It would never be enough, he knows. But it felt like enough to distract him to get through the long days and even longer nights. Get him through the year and then he's gone. Once he's gone, he won't need any attention, he's sure. He's sure.  
Wednesday. Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday. It had finally arrived and he couldn't be any happier. He was ecstatic even. He couldn't recall the last time he'd gone to a good party. Probably Sarah G's party at the end of the school year last year. It was big and fancy. She was rich. But best of all they had a keg stand. He's not quite sure what it is about teenagers, including himself, and keg stand competitions. Maybe it was just fun. Or gave normal guys the chance to have something. Sadly for them, they never would because Billy is excellent at keg stands. He had stood in front of his mirror for about 20 minutes before he decided to call it good and hit the road. The party was loud. The house was filled with people. It was perfect. He learned after one cup of some mix of alcohol he couldn't get the name of, that the current reigning keg stand king was none other than Steve Harrington. Thank you Tommy. Steve fucking Harrington. If he had a dollar for every time someone mentioned Steve, he'd be rich. Were people expecting him to fight Steve? He does have a bit of a reputation after giving the football boy a bruised jaw. The story was that he got in Billy's way. He had his eyes out for Steve though and the only time he was tore away was when Tommy started shoving him out to the keg. People were cheering like it was the fucking olympics. He hated letting Tommy touch his legs. That fucking blockhead couldn't afford to be touching Billy. It was like all the energy had returned to the forefront of his body when he got down from the keg stand. It suddenly didn't matter that it was Hawkins. It was just a pretty fucking ok Halloween party and he was the keg stand king. Fuck you Steve Harrington. Speaking of the devil, Tommy had pushed him all the way inside before he realized why. Harrington and his bitch had arrived. Billy didn't know what it was that pushed him to push through the crowd of drunk and probably high teenagers, stopping only inches away from Steve. He could feel something in his hips and heard Tommy spout some bullshit to Steve. There was this horrid smirk on Billy's face. Steve just stared back at him. He wanted to say something. Something mean. But all he could do was push him in the chest and walk away cackling. October was finally over.  
October was terrible. But the icing on the cake was that he realized he had misread his own feelings for a stupid fucking Indiana boy and now? He's going to pay for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you want to know how I prepare myself for each chapter, I go on Tumblr and look through the Billy Hargrove tag. Then I play on my phone for an hour before writing.  
> as an older brother i happen to know that acting childish and calling each other names is exactly what it's like having a sibling. non of that "whats up lil sis?" "i hate you!" bullshit. I would puke if i called my brother "lil bro" anyway sorry it took so long to write a new chapter I had school and a small writer's block
> 
> please leave comments i love feedback and jokes :)

**Author's Note:**

> I feel slightly unsatisfied with the way I went over his childhood but I can't write about being a kid very well. Especially with a childhood like the one I imagine Billy having. But I have high hopes for writing about Billy's troubled teen years and his time in Hawkins.  
> fuck caleb fuck caleb fuck caleb you trifling ass beech oompa loompa lookin ass why u took me off the mf schedule-  
> also if the thought process seems too self aware that's because the narration is supposed to come across as a reflection kind of? Some events are more third party and I'm trying to make the difference obvious.


End file.
